now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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