I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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