fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
