How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
