What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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