if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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