So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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