Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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