I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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