Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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