You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
