they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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