I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
