We're like a lot better than the average bears
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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