I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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