i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
