if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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