i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
