...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
