Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
