Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
