tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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