if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I want her autograph on my taint
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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