they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
