Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
