u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
