I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
