We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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