If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
