I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
