I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Randomize
