I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She needs sedatives and a leash
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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