i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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