i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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