That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
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My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
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Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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