Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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