Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
