4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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