I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You can't just leave with hair like that
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
