My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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