There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
