Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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