After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
