My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
