We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
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You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
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How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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