idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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