U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
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i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
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I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
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