I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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