So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize