Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(309): View more from Illinois

nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol

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(301): View more from Maryland

The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up

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(734): View more from Michigan

Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.

(1-734): View more from Michigan

Haha did she know what fisting meant?

(734): View more from Michigan

Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself

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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.

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(937): View more from Ohio

Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?

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(559): View more from California

His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me

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(509): View more from Washington

Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game

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(817): View more from Texas

Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.

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(786): View more from Florida

I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.

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