I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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