so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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