Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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