You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
