I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
