Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize