I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
