According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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