Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
