she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
