She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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