Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
