wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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