so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
