they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
