when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
