Screwed.edu
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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