eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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